uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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