I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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