Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You were trust falling into bushes
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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