I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
