Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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