the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
