Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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