FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
