my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
