She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
