Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Randomize
