You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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