we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
