This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
