If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
