Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
