I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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