Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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