Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
