drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize