Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
