The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
