hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
