Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
