I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
