just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
