The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
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