Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
