It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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