I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize