I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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