Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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