this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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