I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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