Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
