hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
