Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
