I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
