Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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