I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
