I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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