I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
