I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
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