I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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