her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
