he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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