so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
