Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
