I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
