You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize