she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
