She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
