Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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