we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize