He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
we're making bets on your personal life
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
