I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
