Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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