i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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