I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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