Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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