what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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