so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My ass is underappreciated
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
