@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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