He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
