this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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