Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
