Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
