You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love you. Go after that dick
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
