He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
We just shotgunned beers for America
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
