i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
