We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize