I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize