Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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