yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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