You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
