Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
