i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
