Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
