VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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