phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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