Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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