get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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