would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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