No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
