she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
