i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
