I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
