these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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