I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
