Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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