can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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