Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
