Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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