what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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