I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
