i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
