so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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