It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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